hey good morning.. what a damn cold morning. have bless from Him (:
nothing much to say..just that, the 'happiness' were in front of me and i smiled. that's it. but i keep reminding myself, "hey it wasnt lasting, be more realistic!" and i started to realize its not a long period to keep my Mr. Happiness. but itsokey..i believe i can cope up with it. well, it almost six years i've been trough, how complicatedness is my relationship are. i know im strong and even stronger when she keeps me believe. iloveyou sayang ! thank you for the two days and a quarter, spending time with me....with us. even sometimes i just wish to have only you at the moment, well i dunt mind sharing the happiness with the girls! not sharing you. i mean share the happiness and the joy you bring in when you're here.
i enjoy every moment that i look at you, the moment i can feel you, smell your body odour, near to you..the best part when i can hear your breathing and .....my favourite part is, the time you wakeup. it isnt romantic, but its a happiness for me when i can look at you at the dawn, the early earlier morning. what a happiness i got there. thank you so much. if it ever be as a FAKE reaction, well you karma is always there for you *sarcasm* :D .
iloveyou so muchhhhh, and i know im gonna fuckin hell yeah miss those moment we're spent!
rendu tu ape eh ? hmm....kenapa aku rasa rendu nih saket ? saket sangat..tapi tak luka. tak pape. tapi..saket.
definisi rendu, please ...hmm. rasa sumthing kat dalam hati...kadang-kadang aku rasa bahagia bila rasa rendu tuh wujud, tapi...kadang-kadang bila rasa rendu tu hadir...rasa saket kat dalam. percaya ke tak...rasa rendu tuh buleh buat aku rasa sesak..semak bule tahan lagi, nih SESAK. tahu ..? pernah tak korang rasa macam nih ? ker aku sorang je dalam dunia nih, yang gila ade rasa macam nih ?? kenapa eh rasa sesak. sesak sampai kadang-kadang aku menangis, kadang-kadang aku cederakan diri sendiri sebab RENDU. rendu tu apa ?? kenapa dia ada ?? kenapa dia kadang-kadang saket ?? aku pun takde jawapan tuh..tapi yang PASTI aku tetap rendu, aku MASIH rendu. rendu kat dia..rendu dia peluk aku, rendu cara dia comfortkan aku, rendu mata dia, rendu hidung dia, rendu the way dia touch aku, rendu bila dia cium dahi aku..aku rendu semuanya tentang dia. rendu sebab sayang ? sebab aku cinta dia ? atau sebab memang aku rendu?? atau apa sebenarnya ??
selalu je aku gado dengan dia. tapi hati aku rendu dia sangat. and guess what, saat ini aku rendu dia lagi. bukan rendu nak jumpa..tapi rendu ..haihh aku pun tak tahu rendu yang macam mana semalam March 6, 2012 ...dia datang jumpa aku. hmm...time tu hujan lebat sangat..hati aku risau je kat dia..hari nih dia datang jumpa aku tak macam selalu pun. selalu mulut dia paling bising kat flat nih..tapi hari ni dia senyap je..macam dah tak suka ke nak jumpa aku ? ker dia dah nak tinggalkan aku ? kalau dia AKAN tinggalkan aku, aku mohon tuhan tarik je nyawa aku dalam apa cara sekalipun. sebab aku rasa tak kuat tanpa dia..aku tak nak hidup kat dunia nih and buat mende yang sia-sia. yang menyakitkan diri sendiri. aku nak rasa bahagia macam orang lain. even aku tahu banyak mende yang aku tak buleh buat bersama dengan dia. and guess what, aku tak minta untuk buat semua yang aku tak pernah buat dengan dia sebelum ni. so that, next time i wont feel bad if we cant go to cinema together, i wont feel isolated if she cant company me when im studying, i wont feel that bad if she cant be there when i need her..
yes i feel really bad, but seriously not that BAD..because i know her situation. i know how it feels like to be this kind of relation. i tried to be like, "i dunt mind" yes, i hurt inside, but as long as i wont hurt her that much, i will be fine. because iloveher too much. too much..
"sayang, saya sayang, dan cinta, juga, rendu awak, amat sangat walaupun masa kita bergaduh"
*rinduku umpama ombak yang tak berhenti- Izzah
*kasihmu bagai pantai yang sentiasa menanti- Hariz
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| loved, NOORASHIKIN~ |
please remember i really love you for what you are, not what you want to be. iloveyou just the way you are. dunt change too much. i'll feel awkward then.. (:
*what doesn't KILL you it's makes you STRONGER !
ASSALAMUALAIKUM ...
