rendu yang teramat sakit.

you know why and what is it ... 

THIS IS THE REASON...

ITS BEEN FOR TOO LONG...  
:'(

do i look like a share machine ???

seriously, i dunt intend to share my only boyfriend with others or even my friend. cuz i dunt share their boyfriend. so why would they wanna share mine ?? omaigod, i smoke alot in this last two weeks. -.-'
there are times when i feel like wanna take a knife and stab on my tummy. im not that strong to face this life. i mean this kind of life. huh~ 


it really sucks! i just wanna be happy happy happy as happy like happy before. i know you know how much before it is ...gosh ! every single day i pray, im insane and she's innocence. Ya Allah, harap2 lah mcm tuh. i just cant bear it anymore. hope ape yg aku rase ni tak betul semuanya...i just love her too much.


  im just the girl that "If a girl has a wall up it's because it was built. Brick by brick, lie after lie, heartbreak after heartbreak" thats all. Ya Allah why i have this feeling. i just hate it. adekah kau bagi aku satu petunjuk atau setan-setan ni saje nak kacau hidup aku? i dunt know what to do. im tired of crying...im tired of heratbreaking. im tired of lies, lying, LIARS. Ya Allah tolong aku. hmmm....Ya Allah please give me your guidance. aku tak sanggup nak kecewa lagi. kaalau betul kau tunjuk kan lah dan kau jauhkan dia dari aku... Amin :'(

tutup hati rapat-rapat

assalamualaikum. dah lama tak update sini.busy je buat menda laen. currently, dengar lagu najwa latiff-kosong sambil curahkan apa yang patut kat sini. huhuuu...lagi pun nih je tempat yang dia takkan bukak sebab dia taktau link.. 


anyway pasal lagu najwa latif nih..aku suka giler part lyrics die yang nih... "kau melihat diirku seperti sesuatu yang mencabar dirimu akal dan mindamu. kau mendustaiku kau bilang mereka taktahu, siapa diriku,sedangkan kau juga begitu. segala kata cacian yang telah engkau berikan membuatkan ku rasa kosong-kosong, setiap detik diperhatikan kau cari cara putarbelitkan kau jadikan diriku kosong-kosong ouh ouh"

-menarik lyrics budak kecik ni.

kecewa tu selalu aku kan. ini bukan time nak cakap aku salah atau kau yang salah sebab terlalu cepat assume sesuatu. and bukan time nak salahkan kau sebab kurang rasa ambil tahu, mungkin kau juga busy time tu. just like me...too busy too explain everything. bcuz the only thing on my mind that time i just wanna tell you the news. but then you choose to ignore me. bagus kan ade boyfriend cmnie. diorang ni lah ajar kita jadi lebih independence (: 
aku tak kata aku mampu atau kuat tanpa kau. cuz clearly aku cuba untuk bertahan...hubungan nih...keluarga, financial, diri aku sendiri. kau sendiri taktahu apa yang ada dalam diri aku when im all alone. sebab aku sendiri taktau mcm mane nak explain. tapi tu bukan cerita dia. aku tak senang give-up tapi aku rasa aku sakit sangat bila dengan kau dan terlalu sakit bila kau takde. thats why i chose to be with you. sakit yang sedap nurul kata (:

aku sakit dengan sikap ego kau. i'll shuts myself sebab tu yang kau nak sebenarnya. i will never stop loves you~

i closed my heart.

REALISTIC !

hey good morning.. what a damn cold morning. have bless from Him (:


nothing much to say..just that, the 'happiness' were in front of me and i smiled. that's it. but i keep reminding myself, "hey it wasnt lasting, be more realistic!" and i started to realize its not a long period to keep my Mr. Happiness. but itsokey..i believe i can cope up with it. well, it almost six years i've been trough, how complicatedness is my relationship are. i know im strong and even stronger when she keeps me believe. iloveyou sayang ! thank you for the two days and a quarter, spending time with me....with us. even sometimes i just wish to have only you at the moment, well i dunt mind sharing the happiness with the girls! not sharing you. i mean share the happiness and the joy you bring in when you're here. 


i enjoy every moment that i look at you, the moment i can feel you, smell your body odour, near to you..the best part when i can hear your breathing  and .....my favourite part is, the time you wakeup. it isnt romantic, but its a happiness for me when i can look at you at the dawn, the early earlier morning. what a happiness i got there. thank you so much. if it ever be as a FAKE reaction, well you karma is always there for you *sarcasm* :D .


iloveyou so muchhhhh, and i know im gonna fuckin hell yeah miss those moment we're spent!

rendu tuh mcm mane ..??

rendu tu ape eh ? hmm....kenapa aku rasa rendu nih saket ? saket sangat..tapi tak luka. tak pape. tapi..saket.


definisi rendu, please ...hmm. rasa sumthing kat dalam hati...kadang-kadang aku rasa bahagia bila rasa rendu tuh wujud, tapi...kadang-kadang bila rasa rendu tu hadir...rasa saket kat dalam. percaya ke tak...rasa rendu tuh buleh buat aku rasa sesak..semak bule tahan lagi, nih SESAK. tahu ..? pernah tak korang rasa macam nih ? ker aku sorang je dalam dunia nih,  yang gila ade rasa macam nih ?? kenapa eh rasa sesak. sesak sampai kadang-kadang aku menangis, kadang-kadang aku cederakan diri sendiri sebab RENDU. rendu tu apa ?? kenapa dia ada ?? kenapa dia kadang-kadang saket ?? aku pun takde jawapan tuh..tapi yang PASTI aku tetap rendu, aku MASIH rendu. rendu kat dia..rendu dia peluk aku, rendu cara dia comfortkan aku, rendu mata dia, rendu hidung dia, rendu the way dia touch aku, rendu bila dia cium dahi aku..aku rendu semuanya tentang dia. rendu sebab sayang ? sebab aku cinta dia ? atau sebab memang aku rendu?? atau apa sebenarnya ?? 


selalu je aku gado dengan dia. tapi hati aku rendu dia sangat. and guess what, saat ini aku rendu dia lagi. bukan rendu nak jumpa..tapi rendu ..haihh aku pun tak tahu rendu yang macam mana semalam March 6, 2012 ...dia datang jumpa aku. hmm...time tu hujan lebat sangat..hati aku risau je kat dia..hari nih dia datang jumpa aku tak macam selalu pun. selalu mulut dia paling bising kat flat nih..tapi hari ni dia senyap je..macam dah tak suka ke nak jumpa aku ? ker dia dah nak tinggalkan aku ? kalau dia AKAN tinggalkan aku, aku mohon tuhan tarik je nyawa aku dalam apa cara sekalipun. sebab aku rasa tak kuat tanpa dia..aku tak nak hidup kat dunia nih and buat mende yang sia-sia. yang menyakitkan diri sendiri. aku nak rasa bahagia macam orang lain. even aku tahu banyak mende yang aku tak buleh buat bersama dengan dia. and guess what, aku tak minta untuk buat semua yang aku tak pernah buat dengan dia sebelum ni. so that, next time i wont feel bad if we cant go to cinema together, i wont feel  isolated if she cant company me when im studying, i wont feel that bad if she cant be there when i need her..

yes i feel really bad, but seriously not that BAD..because i know her situation. i know how it feels like to be this kind of relation. i tried to be like, "i dunt mind" yes, i hurt inside, but as long as i wont hurt her that much, i will be fine. because iloveher too much. too much..


"sayang, saya sayang, dan cinta, juga, rendu awak, amat sangat walaupun masa kita bergaduh"

 *rinduku umpama ombak yang tak berhenti- Izzah
 *kasihmu bagai pantai yang sentiasa menanti- Hariz

loved, NOORASHIKIN~

please remember i really love you for what you are, not what you want to be. iloveyou just the way you are. dunt change too much. i'll feel awkward then.. (:

*what doesn't KILL you it's makes you STRONGER !

ASSALAMUALAIKUM ...

doctor~

semalam , hmm bape hari bulan entah. aku pun tak ingat -.-'
i went to hospital. i was forced to go tho. i was diagnosed by one lady age between 27 to 30 i guess. hmm and  she confirmed that im suffering from a lung disease. one of the symptom, coughing non-stop. i was coughed for a month. HAHA no wonder -.-'  but its not too serious. im at the earlier stage. the doctor asked me to go further treatment. seriously i just hate it. it wasnt too serious. chill sudah :)

i have to stop smoking.
i cant bathing late at night <-- this is sooo me -.-'

macam mane nie, sume takleh -.-'

*tgh best google2 tetbe terjumpa satu nie...

potong btul. HAHA :D

ketegangan~

minggu ni gaduh sungguh2 ngn cik asben. tu lah dulu asek baikkkkk sangat...romentic katenye -.-
minggu ni hamek kau , gaduh puas2. takde ape yang menyenangkan. hari nie hari jumaat..gaduh lagi. tapi time cik asben balik keje dia wat lawak bangang, hmmm terpaksa lah gelak jugak padahal hati saket nie..saje lah tuh nak buat aku gelak. hihhh menyampah !

hmmm...dah lah hari nie die kata aku tak sayang dia. bongok nye lah jadi manusia....! saket hati...ntah hape2 menyampah. taktau lah tuh aku sayang dia, cinta dia ...

cik asben kata lagi: kalau main dengan org yg kite tak sayang and tak cinta, rasa die laen tak puas katanya. hmm mesti die slalu buat kan ??  dah lah malas nak pikir wat saket hati jek -.-'

as usual as i felt in my every single empty days...is emptiness.

#batuk tak hilang2 dah sebulan and now batuk dah berdarah pulak.. hidung dah berdarah 2 hari. hmmm ...ubat dah abes aku telan . yang tah bile2 mase punye ubat aku jumpe pun aku telan jugak tapi tak hilang lagi. kurang berdoa kut aku nie -.-'